Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
