That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
