OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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