Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
