I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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