You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
