Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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