don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize