I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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