Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
