I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
And then he peed in my hair
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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