so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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