My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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