Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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