I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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