I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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