with your own penis?
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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