At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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