the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
how does that bad decision feel?
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