You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
