Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
