Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
