it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
