DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He passed out mid-signature
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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