Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
