Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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