my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
