8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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