filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize