I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
