She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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