I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
