She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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