Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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