Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
