I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
