this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
