THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
