I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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