I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
