She is in my trunk
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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