There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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