im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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