Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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