i wish there were pregnant emoticons
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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