it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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