trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
