pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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