it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The air taste purple.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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