yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She even gives head with a lisp.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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