Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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