So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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