Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
