i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
