so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
