if you like me you must not know who I am
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
