is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I did not marry a roomba.
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