If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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