apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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