So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
