I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
