Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
