have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
