there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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