Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
