My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
