U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
