You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
