Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
