I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
