just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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