i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
