Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
