i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
