if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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