Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
