I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
