Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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