I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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