I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
