If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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