Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize