Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
