I'm gonna have a badass scar
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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