What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
