i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
