I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
