She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
