You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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